Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
