apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize