yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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