The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize