He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
