I am in a vortex of obligation.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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