she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
