Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
