that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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