stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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