Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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