I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
