He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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