Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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