my vag is so smooth its legendary
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
