I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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