my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
