Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
