I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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