i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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