i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
