I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize