can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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