Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
