I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
