It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bring me that man meat
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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