Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
