his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
