I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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