it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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