That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
