All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize