So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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