community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
