I love black thongs
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're like the curious george of whores
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
