at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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