Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
