it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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