I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
