Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
