what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
