I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
