I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
