Welp...herpes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
