I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
