Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
