i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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