forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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