The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
