I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
