I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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