Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
