just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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