So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
