I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
