you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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