Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When are your genitals available?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
