last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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