I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
