i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
