Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize