Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
