My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
