and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
