i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
